As I occasionally glanced on the telly to catch Michael Phelps on his Saturday Night Live guesting, I am also busy multitasking – reading Hurricane Ike updates on cnn.com, updating my SEO skills for my clients as well as listening to smooth jazz. I’ve already forgotten this type of music since the last time I was into this was when I was in high school with my hotel band & everytime I wanted a break from our set because I am the singer, my bandmate/sax guy would start playing Chuck Mangione’s Feels So Good which would allow me a 3 to 5 minute break to just sit down & drink something & watch my band perform. I won’t even be familiar with these new songs out there if not for youtube. So many smooth jazz choices. But my favorite would still be classics by Kenny G or some pieces done by Dave Koz. Others say that when you start to like jazz as your type of music, then you are starting to get old.

But am I really old at 31? As the poem I wrote before says, my life has ended before it’s even begun; I feel like I’ve seen a thousand setting suns. I believe though that age ain’t nothing but a number. A person can be 50 but still feel young at heart. I consider myself an old soul in a young woman’s body. And that is fine with me. Because with age comes wisdom. I am not really looking for a fleeting type of fun nowadays but rather, something that enriches the soul and fills my heart with real bliss not a fleeting fancy. I’ve come to a point in my life where I tell myself all the time that life is short so I should think a billion times before I start making big decisions because now, it doesn’t only affect me but also my whole family – my husband & my children. I am so lucky; no – so blessed, to have found a loving & caring husband. I couldn’t ask God for anything more except good health for all of us on the years to come. I have learned to be content with what I have and I’ve stopped chasing for dreams that might never materialize. Or I just dream about something within reach. Or maybe keep striving for the dream but not to take it personally when rejection comes along with the reaching for that dream. Just minding the rejection in reaching those dreams just used to drain my energy so much. Now, I don’t feel that way at all because as my other friend said, my music shouldn’t be the end-all & be-all of my life. And I have made that move by starting a family so I am now happily enjoying the consequences of my decision. And am I ever so happy that I was brought into this different calling of motherhood. In a million years, I wouldn’t have guessed that I’d be happy as a mother. I didn’t even see myself married at 35 coz I thought I was gonna be busy with my music career. But look at me now, a mother of 2 toddlers at 31. Sometimes, fate surprises me. You are led to a path that is so different from what you’d imagined yourself to be. I can’t help but smile when I think about myself and motherhood. I am not a perfect mom but I am doing my best to be the mother that nurtures and present in my children’s lives.

And since a month ago, I told myself, from now on, I will not entertain negative thoughts. It has made a huge difference in my way of life eversince! Imagine, not giving any weight at all to these negative things or just people who do nothing but dump their problems on you. I have a life to live and I have to keep my positivity for the sake of my boys because when they’re back from school in the afternoons. I have to be upbeat for them when bonding time comes because soon they will be off to their respective lives once they become teens.

I’m glad I have friends that keep me motivated to face each new day with glee. Since it’s the “ber” month, or months ending in -ber leading to the Christmas month(December), as most Filipinos start their Yuletide preparation, I found this great new version of Last Christmas sung by Cascada. Watch it and enjoy by clicking the link below because embedding is disabled for this vid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ds6oTHYmqRc

I love Christmas. I can only think about happy memories of my childhood during Christmas. It’s been 21 years since my mother died. But she is still in my heart. I love you Mama. Now it’s my turn to make wonderful childhood memories for my children every yuletide season.